My birth story

I have been trying for 10 months now to think of the perfect birth story to share.  But there are absolutely no words to use to explain the emotions and experiences that occurred on that wonderful day earlier this year.  I feel so much pride thinking about the day I brought my son into this world.  He is my pride and joy.  Those words have a totally new meaning to me now. 

I started dilating at 35 weeks.  I cannot explain my excitement at knowing it was almost over.  But really..it wasn’t.  At my 37 week appt it was noted that he was quite big (and I was quite miserable).  The exact reason for my doctor wanting me induced isn’t exactly known.  But the decision was made to induce me shortly before I was 40 weeks.  Who was I to argue?  I was READY.  Two days before my scheduled induction I went in to see my doctor for a quick check on things.  I was originally supposed to go in the morning on the 26th, but because I had not effaced and remained at 1 cm my doctor decided it was best that I went in the night before to use the medicine that looks like a tapeworm used to soften the cervix.  What is it called?  C something.  Anyway.  Baby was big.  And I was not progressing.

Naturally, I was terrified.  I was either about to push a giant baby out of my vagina or be cut open while awake.  There is no amount of preparing to get you ready for that.  The morning of the 25th I ate a big breakfast.  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to eat once I got there, so I took advantage of it.  Unfortunately I was super nervous and excited that that ended up being the only thing I ate that day.  I so wish I had eaten a couple hours before going in.  At around 4:00 pm we packed up and headed out to the hospital.  The last drive I would take while being a human incubator.  We arrived to the hospital, got registered and hooked up to the IV.  I wasn’t feeling them, but the monitor showed I was already contracting.  I now wonder if that meant he was coming soon anyway.  I got prepped and went into the labor room where the cervix ripener was inserted by a lady with sharp nails.  OW!  Then the waiting began.  Talk about boring!  And those beds are not comfy!  I was all hopped up on adrenaline and was expected to sleep!  So they gave me a sleeping pill.  Yeah.  I hardly slept still.  My mom came there at about midnight and she and my husband both drifted off to sleep.  I did for a little while too. 

At about 3:00 am I woke up to the first contraction I had ever felt.  It hurt, but nothing like I was expecting.  I thought “oh, that wasn’t bad”.  I became wide awake and waited for another.  They were on and off for a few hours.  Finally everyone woke up and we were all ready to get the show on the road!  They first took out the tapeworm medicine and noted I was at a 2.  Progress.  Yess.  What they don’t tell you about with that pill is that it makes your cervix super sensitive.  I cried with each check because it hurt so bad.  At 8:00 am they came in and broke my water and started me on Pitocin.  Holy crap.  I had not prepared for labor because I figured it would go the way it was supposed to go.  But I wish I had prepared for it.  I had heard that Pitocin makes the contractions more intense, and that having my water broken would make the contractions more intense.  But once they started, I forgot how to breathe!  Contractions hurt.  Not just a little bit.  But a lot a bit.  They take your breath away and make you see colors.  There is no mistaking them.  And they started to be full blown once my water broke.  At first I thought to myself “that is a lot of water”.  Then I thought “I think I may be peeing myself” once another contraction started.  It took about 1 more contraction to realize that with each contraction, water was being pushed out.  What a strange sensation.

My memory goes in and out once the contractions started.  So my details won’t be so great.  Contractions started and BAM I was in full blown labor.  I even asked my mom “this is labor, right?”  because I didn’t want to think it was and then be surprised when it got worse.  I had requested an epi at 8:00 am.  But the anesthesiologist was busy that day so I did not get one immediately.  Well, I started to progress quickly.  I went from a 2 to a 3.  Then eventually to a 4.  So I messaged Jill “get yo ass here baby is about to pop out”.  This all happened I think around 10.  At this point I was crying with each contraction and check so I received some demerol.  Oh.  Demerol.  How I love thee.  Let me tell you something about demerol.  That stuff makes you high.  I started to explain the pain of my contraction in the shapes of triangles and tootsie rolls.  I imagined that mashed potatoes were purple and that the Grand Canyon was purple.  I was happy.  It didn’t take the pain away, but it helped me get through it.  I wasn’t crying anymore.  In the middle of my trip, Jill showed up.  Hey Jill, I’m high.  It was wonderful.  That eventually wore off and I still had no damn epi.  Eventually that came though.  It was around noon or 1 that I got it.  I cried into the nurses arms as she held me up, and I was utterly exhausted from going through labor pains for about 5 hours.  I had no food and was thirsty.  Miserable doesn’t even describe it.  I think I was a big baby, but they told me I was great.  I don’t know.  After about half an hour it was noticed that the baby wasn’t dropping and I had stopped progressing to much further than a 5.  I still felt the contractions and cried to my mom that the epi didn’t work.  She went out to tell the nurse.  The nurse informed her there are often windows with an epi and it doesn’t take away all the pain.  WUT.  Why’d I bother?  It was then that she said I needed to start turning to my sides or a c-section will be up for an option.  My mom told me that.  I cried. 

Some time passed.  My mom, Mason, and Jill all switched turns holding my hands and talking me through the contractions.  The contractions were about 3 minutes apart, but would randomly come one after another in bursts.  They were sporadic, then not, then sporadic.  I wanted to roll to my sides, but forgot how to between the contractions.  I just wanted to breathe.  At around 4 (I think) Noah’s heartbeat and my heartbeat started to go up.  They came in and put an oxygen mask on my face to help with that.  And they gave me an antibiotic.  Noah and I were facing distress.  Thankfully they were able to control it, but it was still scary.  A few hours later I still had not progressed.  That mixed with them having to control my heartbeat, my doc came in and suggested the c-section.  He told me it was my choice and it wasn’t an emergency.  That we could continue to try for a vaginal birth, but that he felt I was going to end in a c-section anyway. By this time it was 8:00 pm.  I did not feel like I could go any longer, so I went with the c-section.  Oh, the heart ache I felt at this decision was great.  But I was ready.

I was quickly set up and taken to the OR.  The OR is freezing, btw.  I stopped feeling contractions (I guess because of the meds).  They transferred me to the table - weird, strapped my arms down, and put up a sheet so I couldn’t see.  Mason came in to my side.  He wiped away my tears and told me stories.  Any story.  Anything to keep my mind off the thought that I was about to be cut open.  Then it started.  My doctor said, “scalpel”.  He warned that it would be uncomfortable, but I didn’t realize how bad.  I had to breathe to get through the discomfort.  At first I imagined they had to pull the skin back and they clamp it onto the front of my pubic bone?  I don’t know.  I was high, and that was what I imagined.  It hurt.  I asked my doctor about it later, and he said that that was the cut.  Well, he started and within 5 minutes they were pushing on my stomach.  I didn’t know cameras were allowed, but if they were I so would have had Mason taking some.  Because once they started pushing on my stomach I heard “and it’s a boy!  I told you it was a boy, right?”  Then his cry.  His soft cry.  It didn’t last long.  And I burst into tears.  My baby was here.  He was here and he was healthy.

Then…

I saw him.  He looked just like his daddy.  His eyes.  His pouty lip.  I was immediately in love.  So much more in love than I imagined I could ever be.  I couldn’t touch him.  I could just stare.  But he was so silent.  So beautiful.  So absolutely perfect.

They measured him at a whopping 8 lb 7 oz and his length was 21.5”.  I asked if he had all his toes.  Mason came back with “Yeah, all 11.”  I was quick with “he got that from you” and many laughs were had.  Mason was amazed.  He was in tears.  And my favorite line, you guys he will hate me for sharing this, was “can I touch him.”  The nurse kind of chuckled “of course.  He’s your baby”.  

They stitched me up and had me in recovery.  I shook violently as he got passed around.  I couldn’t control the shaking.  My sister over heard that they should watch me because I lost a bit more blood than normal, but everything pulled together.  I finally stopped shaking.  And finally held him.  And the rest is history. 

All those months of waiting.  All those months of not knowing and being afraid.  It all came to an end quickly.  And amazingly.  Labor and delivery is a scary process.  But it’s life changing.  The day my son entered my life I became a different person.  I have gone through something incredible and there is nothing that will ever compare.